Dear America,
I am writing you to let you know of my great disappointment in your laws which directly discriminate against American citizens who are in a same sex binational relationship. America boasts itself as being the land of the free but we all know how this falsehood is nothing more than a slogan.
I am an US citizen who is now leaving her country to be with the person she loves after having spent the past four years fighting for the right to sponsor my foreign born partner. Current US immigration laws grant heterosexuals this right but denies those of us in same sex relationships the same opportunity.
I’m ashamed at how you have turned your back on me. You have taken my tax money for the past 24 years but deny me freedoms that others enjoy. You told me as a child that America was the land of opportunity and that all men are created equal but as an adult I’m reminded daily of how any opportunity of my pursuit of happiness is currently out of reach and unavailable because of laws like DOMA.
I was brought up to believe in “We the People”. Am I not included in this grouping? Are the people referred to only heterosexual Americans? How many wars have brave American soldiers fought in to ensure that foreign countries gain their freedoms while here at home an ever growing number of LGBTQ Americans are denied over 1000 rights only because of who they love?
I would like to point out that I too have an American Dream but since America ceases to value me or respect my relationship it is with great sadness that I have to put my dream on hold but rest assured that I will continue to voice out my angst as I work even harder to be included in the enforcement of equal protection of the law.
I would like to bring up the fact that due to the unequal immigration laws that the United States enforces I have had to endure not only emotional stress but I have also been inflicted with an added financial burden. I have had to drain my back account in order to move to be with my partner and I am now in a financial hardship. Over the past four years we have had to spend thousands of dollars just to be able to see each other for a week at a time here and there. I have had to pay these large amounts of money only because America refuses to recognize my relationship which is clearly discrimination in its fullest.
It is bitter sweet for me to leave but I know that one day America will be better and equality with be a reality and once that occurs I will accept your apology for allowing bigotry and hate to run so freely in our laws while destroying same sex binational couples and their families. Maybe.
Signed
A US Citizen in a same sex binational relationship who so desperately wants to be proud of her country but currently is not.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
What is life like when you are in a same sex binational relationship...just one story of many
Most people probably haven’t thought about what it is like for those in same sex binational relationship. Most people probably don’t think about immigration laws when it comes to same sex relationships either. I know I hadn’t until I was in a same sex binational relationship.
When I started my relationship with my partner I had no idea of the difficulties we would face in order to have our lives together. Looking back at the past four years together I am amazed at what we have accomplished in order to establish and maintain a dedicated relationship but it is the day to day life together that we both aspire for.
A life together is all we have ever wanted and America has not made that easy for us at all. Now I know all relationships have challenges, but imagine for a moment when your country goes beyond just voicing its outrage over the fact that you are in a same sex relationship, but where it goes even further to deny you the right to be together in the same country.
American law denies me the right to sponsor her for immigration purposes and since she has no blood relative to sponsor her and work visas are extremely difficult to obtain we are forced to live apart. We are forced to live thousands of miles away from each other separated for great lengths of time by a continent and the Atlantic Ocean. We are forced to have our lives on hold. As an American citizen I am denied my pursuit of happiness all because of who I love.
So what is it like to be in this type of relationship…well I can only speak for myself as it is probably different for each couple. For me I am filled with every extreme emotion possible. When we do get a chance to be together it is the best of times but when she has to return back to her country life alters into becoming the worst of times. When we are reunited it is difficult to keep focus on the moment as both of us know that time is limited and one cannot refrain from being conscience of time as the minutes and days fly by and we will have to once again say our goodbyes. Once those goodbyes are said and done, life does go on but the emptiness is overwhelming. I often wonder why others at the airport are not crying. Aren’t they saying goodbye to someone. They probably are but to someone who can easily return back.
The emptiness is filled with immense sadness and anger. The sadness and anger increases when I realize that the hardship and emotional strain placed on me by my government could easily be solved. Since DOMA is still in effect, marrying my partner would not change our situation but if Congress passed the Uniting American Families Act, the language in US immigration law would be changed to include same sex partners granting us the right to sponsor our foreign born partner. By the addition to US immigration law of a few little words I could be with my partner right now instead of being thousands of miles apart.
As I mentioned earlier life goes on but this is where I ask the reader to take a moment and step into my shoes. Imagine missing out on the everyday events that you enjoy with the one you love. Imagine a sunny day where you would just like to take a walk in the park with them or a Friday night where you would like to go see the latest blockbuster movie. These simple things might not seem like much and are probably things a great many people take for granted. When you only get to see your partner, if you’re lucky, a few weeks out of the year, these simple events mean everything. And what about the bad times we all go through? I had two major surgeries over the past few months and not having her here with me added so much difficulties in my recovery that there were times I just didn’t have the strength to get out of bed.
If I could paint a picture of how I feel even as I write this it would be a canvass of nothing but black paint representing a dark void overflowing with chaos because that is what life is right now. I look around my house and I know she is not here but I see so many things that remind me of the great times we have spent together but at the end of the day I am here alone and only because my government has discriminated against my relationship. So what does one do? Do you leave your country that you have lived in your whole life, the country that proudly boasts about being the land of the free? How do you overcome the feeling that your country has turned its back on you? How do you face another day without the one person who brings you the kind of happiness you always imagined existed and waited your whole life to find? Do you cry or do you scream out or perhaps both?
These are all questions I have had to ask myself since my government has turned its back on me. I hope that one day I will be able to live in America with my partner and that my country is one where equality is no longer just an aspiration but a reality but until then we remain apart and my days and nights continue to be filled with grief.
When I started my relationship with my partner I had no idea of the difficulties we would face in order to have our lives together. Looking back at the past four years together I am amazed at what we have accomplished in order to establish and maintain a dedicated relationship but it is the day to day life together that we both aspire for.
A life together is all we have ever wanted and America has not made that easy for us at all. Now I know all relationships have challenges, but imagine for a moment when your country goes beyond just voicing its outrage over the fact that you are in a same sex relationship, but where it goes even further to deny you the right to be together in the same country.
American law denies me the right to sponsor her for immigration purposes and since she has no blood relative to sponsor her and work visas are extremely difficult to obtain we are forced to live apart. We are forced to live thousands of miles away from each other separated for great lengths of time by a continent and the Atlantic Ocean. We are forced to have our lives on hold. As an American citizen I am denied my pursuit of happiness all because of who I love.
So what is it like to be in this type of relationship…well I can only speak for myself as it is probably different for each couple. For me I am filled with every extreme emotion possible. When we do get a chance to be together it is the best of times but when she has to return back to her country life alters into becoming the worst of times. When we are reunited it is difficult to keep focus on the moment as both of us know that time is limited and one cannot refrain from being conscience of time as the minutes and days fly by and we will have to once again say our goodbyes. Once those goodbyes are said and done, life does go on but the emptiness is overwhelming. I often wonder why others at the airport are not crying. Aren’t they saying goodbye to someone. They probably are but to someone who can easily return back.
The emptiness is filled with immense sadness and anger. The sadness and anger increases when I realize that the hardship and emotional strain placed on me by my government could easily be solved. Since DOMA is still in effect, marrying my partner would not change our situation but if Congress passed the Uniting American Families Act, the language in US immigration law would be changed to include same sex partners granting us the right to sponsor our foreign born partner. By the addition to US immigration law of a few little words I could be with my partner right now instead of being thousands of miles apart.
As I mentioned earlier life goes on but this is where I ask the reader to take a moment and step into my shoes. Imagine missing out on the everyday events that you enjoy with the one you love. Imagine a sunny day where you would just like to take a walk in the park with them or a Friday night where you would like to go see the latest blockbuster movie. These simple things might not seem like much and are probably things a great many people take for granted. When you only get to see your partner, if you’re lucky, a few weeks out of the year, these simple events mean everything. And what about the bad times we all go through? I had two major surgeries over the past few months and not having her here with me added so much difficulties in my recovery that there were times I just didn’t have the strength to get out of bed.
If I could paint a picture of how I feel even as I write this it would be a canvass of nothing but black paint representing a dark void overflowing with chaos because that is what life is right now. I look around my house and I know she is not here but I see so many things that remind me of the great times we have spent together but at the end of the day I am here alone and only because my government has discriminated against my relationship. So what does one do? Do you leave your country that you have lived in your whole life, the country that proudly boasts about being the land of the free? How do you overcome the feeling that your country has turned its back on you? How do you face another day without the one person who brings you the kind of happiness you always imagined existed and waited your whole life to find? Do you cry or do you scream out or perhaps both?
These are all questions I have had to ask myself since my government has turned its back on me. I hope that one day I will be able to live in America with my partner and that my country is one where equality is no longer just an aspiration but a reality but until then we remain apart and my days and nights continue to be filled with grief.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
